In Moments of Fear and Joy My Gratitude Grows

I thought being a twin mom was the hardest thing until I feared I would not be one anymore. I had planned to write my next blog post about understanding and accepting limitations with twins. It can be difficult when I cannot go to the park with the boys by myself. Things my singleton parent friends can do without a thought can be extremely challenging for me. Getting out of the car requires careful planning in order to avoid either of my boys running into traffic! Sometimes these limits are upsetting, sometimes they are emotionally and physically draining and sometimes they feel so unfair. This was what I planned to write about until the scariest day of my life came this past week.

For a moment, I thought I could lose my son. When this moment came, all I wanted in the world was to hold onto being a twin mom! My son Henry had two seizures. The first one occurred while I was at work. My mom called me to let me know what happened. All I could hear was “Henry”, “ambulance” and “hospital.” I ran out of my office, got in my car and got to my baby as soon as I could.

When I arrived, Henry was limp. He looked like he wasn’t alive but thank God he was. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to all kinds of wires and machines. Seeing my baby so vulnerable was an indescribable horror. I spent the day holding him close and telling him how much I loved him. Doctors and nurses came in and out to perform tests on him. He was pricked and poked so many times and cried so much. I felt helpless; I wanted to protect him; I wanted him to be happy and okay.

Eventually he got discharged and we were told the seizure was a result of him being sick. My husband went to get the car and as I got Henry ready, he had another seizure. Nothing has frightened me more in my life. I screamed for help and when the nurses came, I felt paralyzed. I was numb and couldn’t move. Henry lay on the table limp and asleep. For a moment I thought I lost him.

He was admitted to the hospital for the night and I stayed by Henry’s side. It was a long night but we made it through. Henry underwent many more tests and thankfully the tests all came back normal. As Henry lay on my chest, I looked at him and cried. I cried because I love him so much, because I was scared I could lose him and because I missed his twin brother, Miles. As hard as life with two can be, it didn’t feel t right for us to be in that hospital without Miles, Henry’s best friend. Henry and Miles are blessed to have each other and I am even more blessed to have both of them.

When we got home Henry and Miles ran to each other and laughed and laughed. I could see how much they missed each other and how happy they were to be back together. It was such a beautiful moment only a twin mom could have. 

I am blessed to have two sons who love each other so much. Days have passed since our visit to the hospital and today I am celebrating Mother’s Day. The boys are running around, getting into everything and I love it! I think back to Mother’s Days in years past where I cried because I worried I could not be a mother. Today I celebrate that I am fortunate not only to be a mom but a twin mom. I am so lucky!

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